Characters
Man James Patterson
Woman Painter
Plumber Cat
Man: Did you call the plumber in?
Woman: Yeah. Suppose I did. Sink’s broken, what did you expect?
Man: Just like to know is all, monies spent and such.
Woman: Not yours.
Man: I know, I know... I wouldn’t mind it being so you know.
Woman: …
Man: Maybe we could go out some time…
Woman: Please, I’m far too full to think about food right now.
Plumber: Sir, do you know much about fly fishing?
Man: What? Well, I guess I don’t. What are-
Plumber: Don’t invite a girl fly fishing is all I’m saying.
Man: and what do you know about success Plumber?
Plumber: Can’t say, suppose it’s an effect more than a goal.
Man: How’s the sink coming, Plumber?
Plumber: Can’t say, too soon to tell.
Man: And what’s your goal, Plumber?
Woman: Would you not distract the work? Besides, we have a lot of work to do ourselves.
Man: Like?
Woman: Nevermind.
Cat: The St Jude’s marathon is today.
Man: Who taught the cat how to talk?
Woman: I thought it’d be cuter if he could talk.
Man: But we were taking it to the vet to have ‘em neutered Thursday.
Woman: So?
Man: Well we can’t now can we?
Woman: Why not?
Man: Well it’s just not the same.
Woman: You’re crazy!
Cat: What’s all this?
Plumber: Seems to be a CD stuck in here.
Man: Oh that may be that Colin Feral movie
Woman: I remember that. Cassandra’s Dream or something wasn’t it?
Man: Horrible movie.
Woman: Horrible movie.
Painter: I rather enjoyed the wooden guns bit.
Woman: Who are you?
Plumber: How did you get it so far down the drain?
Painter: I’m a painter.
Man: A stick.
Cat: When is Thursday?
Plumber: A stick?
Man: I was drunk.
Woman: Did you hire a painter?
Man: No one hires painters. They just come.
Woman: Since when?
Man: The 40’s.
Plumber: Well that’s what has broken your sink.
Man: The painter?
Cat: Figures.
Plumber: No! Cassandra’s Dream.
Painter: How romantic.
Woman: Would you leave?
Painter: The world is too heavy out there I’m afraid.
Plumber: Get a trade. The world is only as heavy as your wallet is not.
Painter: I’ve got a trade. I’m a Painter.
Plumber: Right. And what do you paint?
Painter: Simulacrum presenting sardonic juxtapositions of sensorial experiences.
Plumber: Keeping a diary is no trade I’ve ever heard of. Sounds more like a hobby.
Cat: When is Thursday?
Woman: Where are you going?
Man: Kitchens getting too stuffy for me, thinking I’d go for a walk.
Woman: and just leave me here with these strangers?
Man: Have the hired one fight the unemployed one then.
Painter: I’m not unemployed!
Woman: No. You wait for these people to leave here and I’ll come with you.
Man: Like a date?
Woman: No.
Plumber: Fly Fisher.
Painter: I should paint you two. The struggle.
Cat: The humanity.
Woman: How do you get rid of a painter?
Man: You have to starve them off I’m afraid.
Woman: At least its Winter.
Plumber: I think I’ve gotten most of the DVD out.
Man: Well where is it?
Plumber: The DVD?
Man: Yes. It was a rental.
Plumber: I don’t think they’ll want it now.
Man: You tradesmen are all alike.
Plumber: What’s that?
Painter: It’s not true! I am nothing like this Plumber.
Woman: I’m getting the broom.
Plumber: Thank you ma’am.
Painter: I’m just saying I sympathize with this man’s bitterness towards a soured art form.
Man: Art form? I just mean to return the movie properly and on time. It fell in the sink was all.
Plumber: -With a stick.
Man: What?
Plumber: You said you used a stick to get it down there.
Man: I was drunk. It’s an accident.
Woman: You don’t drink.
Man: Doesn’t mean I wasn’t drunk. And besides, it was a horrible movie
Woman: Horrible movie
Cat: Horrible movie
James Patterson: Horrible movie
Woman: Leave.
Painter: Did anyone see the new Art Forum?
Everyone: no.
Painter: Well, recently, a young Vietnamese artist shat a perfect circle.
Man: Incredible.
Woman: Please.
Plumber: How big was it?
Cat: Excuse me?
Painter: 6ft diameter.
Man: Well that’s quite impressive for a little Asian bottom.
Woman: Please.
Painter: No! It was a line drawing.
Plumber: So you mean to say he shat drew a perfect circle.
Painter: I suppose. What difference does that make?
Plumber: Well, to excrete a perfect circle six feet in diameter would be more impressive than Immaculate Conception I think. It’d been the golden egg... much less impressive.
Man: Much less impressive.
Cat: Much less impressive.
Plumber: Well I’m almost done here.
Woman: Oh good. How much will it be costing me?
Plumber: Didn’t take long. Just the service fee: sixty dollars.
Woman: Very well.
Painter: Me too.
Woman: Say again?
Man: Oh what a mess you have made!
Woman: Stop shitting!
Plumber: Have you lost your mind Painter?
Woman: Stop him! Stop shitting Painter!
Man: It’s so loose…
Plumber: He’s going to burst a blood vessel.
Cat: Looks more like Hawaii.
Painter: So…impotent.
Woman: Get out.
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